Divorce is a difficult time for families, and teenagers often feel the impact of the separation and divorce uniquely deeply. Their brains are growing, their bodies are changing, and they face many other pressures, such as peer comparison, competition at school, and other challenges.
If your teenager struggles during the divorce process, you will likely see some signs. These could look like:
- A drop in their school grades
- Your teenager is becoming withdrawn
- Fighting/quarreling more than usual
- Experimenting with drugs and alcohol
There are many other ways teenagers may act out, but these are very common. Depending on how your teen acts out, you may want to consider a tailored approach to solving the issue.
Communicate
Most teenagers might seem quiet and withdrawn if they go inward during a divorce, but that does not mean they are not constantly thinking about it. It might be affecting them deeply, and they do not have the tools to verbalize their feelings.
In these instances, establishing lines of communication with your teen is critical. Asking questions and allowing them to ask questions in return. For example:
- How did school go today?
- Is everything going well with your friends?
- Do you want to talk about the divorce?
Even if your teen does not want to discuss it, you may want to offer professional help, like a psychologist. Sometimes, teens feel more comfortable talking to someone other than their parents.
Reassurance and validation
Often, teenagers want to be reassured but will not say it. They want to know they are loved and that they are not to blame for the divorce. Reassuring them you love them, that the divorce has nothing to do with them, and that your love will not change can go a long way.
In addition, if your teen shares any emotions, feelings, frustrations or anger, validate their emotions. Use that opportunity to be understanding and present for your child. Remember, they are hurting, and because of their age, they do not yet know how to regulate their emotions and self-soothe.
Modeling healthy behavior
One of the best things you can do for your teenager is to model healthy behavior. Do not hide when you are expressing your feelings. Of course, while there are conversations that are best left for you and your soon-to-be former spouse or your attorney, you can also share some of your struggles so that your teen can see how you handle those challenges.
For example, when speaking with friends, pretending everything is just fine is unnecessary. You can admit to having a hard time and ask for their support, whether that means a friend coming over to listen to you or to help you manage things around the house.
Teenagers and children are like sponges, except teens are much more conscious of what is happening and observe closely. For this reason, they can be uniquely affected and need additional support and reassurance, as well as validation and modeling of healthy behaviors by their parents and anyone they admire.